I’m so in love with the colorful pair from Kohls and the black studded pair from Sketchers.
Have you jumped on the wedge sneaker bandwagon and will you be rocking your kicks this summer?

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The post Polyvore: 6 Wedge Sneakers Under $100.00 appeared first on SHAUNTEE.

In its former glory days, Evergreen Plaza was the mall of choice for teens. I fondly remember going there after my eighth grade graduation to hang out with soon to be former classmates. I remember wearing my luncheon outfit (a whole lot of pink polyester and lace) with my carefree curl dripping on my shoulders. Somebody should slap me right now for wearing that outfit right along with my highly flammable hair. How do you think Michael Jackson’s hair caught on fire so easily during that Pepsi commercial? It was all that damn carefree curl activator.

That mall had one of my favorite Lane Bryant stores. It was the largest of any Lane Bryant’s I had been in within the Chicago area. I am sad to see it go but 60% off everything perked me up a little. Ashley Stewart also had 60% off everything as well. My amazing shopping haul was less than $100.00. While prom shopping with my brother we went in DSW and I scored these Steve Madden flats.

I scored 3 dresses from Lane Bryant for $60.00 and 2 dresses from Ashley Stewart for $26.00. The Steve Madden flats were $15.00 after 40% off and a $10.00 discount I received in the mail.

What’s on your list for summer must haves’s this year?

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The post Summer Dress Shopping Haul: Lane Bryant appeared first on SHAUNTEE.

Yesterday, I posted on Twitter that it is absolutely ok to fall in love with yourself. Yes, it may sound vain or somewhat self indulgent, but loving you is a very important part of life. Loving you is the first step in having a successful dating and romantic life. It allows you to set boundaries and know what standards you set for yourself and the people in your life. How can you effectively love someone if you don’t love yourself first? Check out my five tips on how to love you first and maintain a happy life.

Live your life for you and not others

It often saddens me when I hear of people who are afraid to be themselves. I also feel that way about people who date and forget who they are. I am love biggest cheerleader, however, I feel a certain disdain for people who don’t know how to be with someone without bowing down to their every wish. Relationships are not meant to control your life and stop you from obtaining your dreams. They are meant to enhance your life and give you a cheerleader along the way.

Positive vibes

I love to surround myself with motivated like minded people; positive people who inspire and uplift. When you’re in the dating game, you need all the positivity you can get. You need people who will be happy about your happiness and not bitter. I have no tolerance for negative people weighing me down. I’m a plus size woman; I don’t need any more weight or any excess baggage.

Don’t take it personal

This is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to learn about people and trust me, I am still a work in progress. When people are mean to me I would take it personally, when things didn’t work out on a date, I would take it personally. Here’s what I learned over the years, some people really don’t know any better. They were not raised to be polite or they simply don’t know how to say things without sounding rude as hell. Some people were not taught boundaries and what you can and cannot say. I no longer take these things as a personal attack on my character. I simply ignore it and keep it moving.

Encourage Yourself

I am lucky to have a strong support system in place. But there are times in our lives when we have to encourage our own self, dust our own self off, and pat our own self on the back. And don’t forget to encourage others.

If you don’t have any standards now may be a good time to get some

Everyone should have reasonable standards. When I say reasonable, I mean standards that are not geared towards vain and vanity. Everybody you meet doesn’t have to be rich or drive a Mercedes. That’s actually kind of stupid to make that a requirement. Anyway, having standards is not just a tool for dating people; it’s a tool for friendships as well. You shouldn’t have a bunch of standards for your romantic relationships and none for your personal friendships.

How you treat yourself dictates how others treat you. Fall in love with you first and then fall in love with someone else.

What are some of your tips for maintaining self love?

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The post Dating 101: Fall in Love with You First appeared first on SHAUNTEE.

Life doesn’t always go as planned. The same can also be said about our romantic lives. In the midst of dealing with all of the other bullshit that dating may throw our way, we also have to come up with ways to deal with rejection properly. I have come to realize that some people don’t handle rejection well. There are times in everyone’s life when we get dumped, we like someone more than like us, or we date only to find out that their really not interested. All of these actions can lead to us feeling rejected and kicked to the damn curb. This is especially true if you’re use to being the dumper and not the dumpee. I’ve discovered 5 great ways to help us when dealing with rejection.

Acknowledge That You’ve Been Rejected

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with admitting that you’re hurt and feel rejected. Acknowledge your feelings and find some way to get it out. I write these posts for others to read but you’ll be amazed at how much I help myself sometimes by writing for others. Journaling your thoughts help you to get your feelings out on paper. However, if you’re angry try taking a class that allows you to hit shit. Try kick boxing or martial arts. Not only will you get a good work out but you have an outlet to help get rid of some of that anger. If you don’t want to take a class, buy a teddy bear and beat the hell out of it until you feel better. Nobody has to know that you’re at home beating up a teddy bear.

Be the better person

When we’re hurt we have a tendency of doing things that are stupid. It is not wise to go on an all out slander mission. Don’t go around talking about your sexual escapades and how this person all of sudden didn’t measure up. Don’t go around claiming someone is gay or lesbian when you know it’s a lie (Kenya Moore, RHOA) and don’t write songs entitled “I Hit it First” (Ray J.). Just because someone no longer wants to be with you doesn’t give you the right to start lying. Be the bigger and better person and deal with it in a classy manner. Don’t fret though because you can yell these things to the teddy bear I told you to buy in the previous paragraph.

Positive thinking

I like to think that rejection sometimes equal protection. When things don’t go as planned, it’s generally for a reason. Rejection can sometimes be a great thing if it’s saving you from making a huge mistake. If you and someone are meant to be together it will happen. If not, it won’t; people are placed in your life for a reason and removed for an even better one. Don’t waste time with negative thoughts of rejection. Instead focus on the fact that someone better is out there for you.

Don’t take it Personal

Rejection should not put you in a place to question your own self worth. One of the major life lessons that I’ve learned is to not take things personally. Don’t adopt a sense of worthlessness and lay around with a quart of chocolate ice cream. From a personal stand point; not taking things personally has made me a happier person. Dating is bitter sweet, sometimes it’s good, sometimes it bad. When you put yourself out there you have to be able to understand that things won’t go as you thought and that at some point you will feel rejected.

Don’t Crawl Under a Rock

Rejection can sometimes turn people into cowards. You should never get to the point that you fear putting yourself out there. How do you expect to win the race if you throw in the towel? Knowing that we can deal with whatever comes our way gives us confidence to get out there again.

Embrace rejections and consider it a life lesson.

Has there ever been a time you felt rejected? How did you deal with it?

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The post You’ve Been Dumped: Dealing with Rejection appeared first on SHAUNTEE.

Photo Credit: Yazmar.com

In the midst of my dating life, I’ve dated men before who are now officially gay. I dated these men during various parts of my late teens and early twenties; before I knew any better. I knew in the back of my head that something wasn’t quite right, so later when I found out they were gay; it was no surprise to me. I can’t help but to wonder can anyone truly renounce being gay or lesbian? I know that men and women date the opposite sex as they try to figure out who they are, but once you’ve figured it out, and you’ve been gay almost your whole adult life, can you truly wake up one day or read the bible and say “I’m no longer attracted to men? I’ve seen supposedly straight men turn out to be gay (because they were living a lie) but I rarely hear of gay men turning straight.

As a woman, I know that we all at some point desire companionship. However, I don’t think I could date, be in a relationship, or marry a man who was once gay. Not Bisexual but gay! Not only would I have to worry about thirsty (desperate) women, but now I would have to worry about men as well. Not to mention that I would be scared of him dropping me like a damn hot potato while he rides off into the sunset with the man of his dreams. Someone may hide their attraction for the same sex, but I don’t think it ever truly goes away! I think you spend your life living a lie.

If Antoine Dodson has found God and believes that his life would be better as a straight man then that’s his choice; I have no judgments. But I would like to believe that God or whatever higher being you believe in loves us all despite whom we choose to love. I honestly believe no one can choose to be straight.

Do you believe a gay man can renounce his homosexuality and would you date a man who was once known to be gay? And last but  certainly not least, am I the only one loving that peacock necklace?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this

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Over the last week or so various people have been reposting a recipe for fat flush water that was made popular on the Dr. Oz show. Last year, I was down about 50 lbs and was seriously doing well on my quest to achieve my target weight. I do not have dreams and ambitions of being a skinny woman. I’m totally comfortable in the skin I’m in. However, I did have a certain weight in mind that would still make me a plus size woman but just some pounds lighter. After my vacation last year to Aruba and a few other places, my diet disappeared. I can only imagine that it decided to stay on the tropical islands and relax in the sun all day while I came back to face the fall and winter seasons. My diet was history right along with my vacation.

So in an effort to trim down a little for the upcoming summer season, I decided to reduce my calories and try this fat flush water. The recipe is super simple:

1 sliced cucumber

1 sliced grapefruit

1 peeled tangerine

10-20 mint leaves

Mix everything in a pitcher and add water (I added 4 bottled waters). Refrigerate for an hour and enjoy. According to the several post on Facebook you’re suppose to drink this before each meal 3 times a day for 10 days.

Judging from the reviews, I expected the water to taste rather refreshing. I am firmly aware that sometimes food that is good for you don’t always taste that great. I was expecting the water to taste at least OK. Upon my initial sip of this concoction, I seriously wanted to spit it out. It tastes absolutely horrible!!!! And the after taste is something I can’t even describe, which is why it stated that you should drink it before meals. I have no idea why people try to make it seem like diet drinks actually taste good. It doesn’t!!! I would rather drink a Dr. Pepper. As a matter of fact, dieting sucks!!!! If someone tells you dieting is fun; it’s a damn lie!

I’m going to attempt to stick with this for 10 days because I do understand the nutritional content of the citrus and cucumber. This will undoubtedly be a huge challenge because judging by the taste my fat doesn’t need to be flushed that bad that I would subject myself to drink this. But we’ll see what happens!

Has anyone ever tried this or any other water? What were your results?

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Photocredit: madamenoire.com

How many times have we given of ourselves unconditionally to someone who hadn’t rightfully earned it?  We assume that because we are showing someone how good we are they will automatically say “hey, that’s a good person” let me hold on to him/her. We assume that by doing these things this person will somehow decide to commit and validate a relationship. Well, as I learned a long time ago, I can sum of the word assume in one phrase; ass out of you not me. Yes, we do these things thinking a relationship is in the near future and end up feeling like an ass! However, there are 5 reasons why people won’t commit after you’ve put what you thought was your best foot forward.

You talk too much

Sometimes we talk too much! Yes, I said talk too much. We share too much information that scares the hell out of someone. Sharing too much too soon or sharing information that doesn’t need to be shared can often lead to someone running away. No one needs to know that you knocked the hell out of your last partner with a frying pan. Now that I think about it, if you’re hitting people with frying pans you may need to be single for awhile. Someone talking too much can sometimes be a blessing because I was really glad when a guy told me

You’re fresh on the market

If I go on a few dates with someone and they continuously talk about their ex, I pretty much sum it up as being a rebound effect. Sometimes we unconsciously talk about past relationships thinking that it’s ok. You may think that the person you’re dating is lending a listening ear, but in reality most of them if not all is thinking this person is not over their ex and I really don’t want to hear this shit; don’t changed chapters if you haven’t completely finished the previous one.

Pressure Cooker

From experience, no one including myself likes to be pressured into anything. There’s a difference between having a candid conversation about where things are going and constantly nagging about where you want things to go. Dating is a pretty simple process.  You either meet the one or you don’t! If you’re dating someone for an extended period of time and it doesn’t go anywhere. Move on! Pressuring someone never works out. However, if you’re looking to get rid of someone then by all means turn up the heat.

Bad Experiences

People who have had their heart crushed and ran over by a semi truck may be reluctant to travel down that road again. Unfortunately, some people never truly get over bad experiences. They put a guard up around their heart and operate cautiously when it comes to letting someone in. We’ve all had bad experiences but some have had it much worst then I or anyone else can imagine. You would think that after such a bad experience we would stay out of the dating arena but everyone at some point desires companionship regardless of their inability to commit. If we can’t get over the past we will be no good for the future. You have to do the work to mend your own heart.

And last but not least

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free

I’ve read many articles on why people won’t commit but none have mentioned this. Why would anyone want to solidify, validate, or commit to someone who has already given them undue rights? If we’re already treating someone like a partner and haven’t made commitment a necessary step then he/she will become accustomed to that treatment without being required to be in a relationship with you. You should not be washing someone clothes and you’re not in a relationship!!!!!

I didn’t feel the need to mention “they’re seeing someone else” because really that’s the most obvious answer. Sometimes there’s no real reason why people won’t commit. I chose the popular 5 based off my conversations with men. Transitioning from dating to a relationship should be something that happens naturally. It shouldn’t be much of an effort if it’s meant to be.

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The post Looking For The One: 5 Reasons Why People Won’t Commit appeared first on SHAUNTEE.

Photo Credit: Collider.com

Fat Shaming: When you put Your Foot in Your Mouth

For the last month I’ve seen fat shaming trending on the internet, but I haven’t read one article in regards to it. You would think that as a plus size woman, I would keep up with all things fat but I don’t. I didn’t read it because for the most part fat shaming will do nothing to help with obesity. Making someone feel bad about anything DOES NOT HELP. Making people ashamed of being fat also DOESN’T HELP, it adds stress and guess what stress does…it makes you get fatter!!!!

Today, I finally got a chance to read the comments from singer, turned actor, turned author, and recently turned fat shamer, Tyrese Gibson (Remember the kid that got on the bus and sang the hell out of the Coca Cola song). He had an open mouth insert foot moment when he opened up a big can of fat shame. The question was simple ” What kind of responsibility as an entertainer do you feel you have to inspire people to live healthier?” Here’s what was said during an interview with allhiphop.com

“No two situations are the same. If you are fat and n*sty and you don’t like the way you look, do something about it. It’s simple,” he responded.

“When you take a shower and you put your fat, n*sty body in the shower and by the time you get out, the mirrors are all steamed up so you don’t look at what you did to yourself. That may sound offensive or insensitive but ultimately, you are big as hell because you have earned that sh**. You worked your a** off to eat everything in sight to get big as hell,” Gibson continued.

“If you got a problem with the way you look, then you need to do something about it. Excuses sound best to the people that’s making them up,” he finished.

I don’t have a problem with him calling women fat. Because the way I see it, people have been using the word fat since the beginning of time and will still be using it when I’m long gone. However, to imply that fat women are nasty is a completely different ball game. “When you take a shower and you put your fat, nasty body in the shower” uh Tyrese, nasty people don’t take showers!!!!! I happened to know quite a few plus size women and I can assure you that none of them are nasty. Now if you find plus size women unattractive, then that’s your preference no harm done, but choose your words better. I sincerely agree with his comment if you don’t like yourself, do something about it” Because I feel like people should work to improve the things they don’t like about themselves. Unfortunately, he was a day late and a dollar short with that! You offend a large number of people and then attempt to cap it off with something positive or dare I say motivating……really!

I understand that people want to comment about obesity but there’s a way to do anything. I would’ve totally been in his favor had he simply stated that people needed to eat healthier and exercise more. Instead he obviously forgot that many of us fat nasty women (his words) went to see his movies, listened to his music, and bought his books putting money in his pocket. He then took to Twitter in a pitiful attempt to explain himself.

I’m even more appalled after reading that his mother and sisters are plus size women. Where exactly is your PR rep? You know the person who tells you what to say and what not to say. You know like…how NOT to offend your fans. Next time, The Transformers star should keep his mouth shut unless he’s singing.

How do you feel about fat shaming and how do you feel about his comments?

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The post Fat Shaming: Open Mouth Insert Foot appeared first on SHAUNTEE.

Sometimes when we date people, we unwillingly become involved in their messy situations. We have to deal with their emotional problems, their family drama, and sometimes the ex who won’t let go. We begin what I like to call a Mission Impossible task of cleaning up someone else’s mess. . Deep down on the inside we know that these situations can be tricky.  It requires leaping tall buildings while handling explosives. We know damn well that we don’t want to deal with it because it’s not our problem. But we get in our feelings and embark on a mission to help them anyway we can. It becomes mission impossible, but we’re convinced that we can help someone clean up their mess.

Emotional Unavailability/Fear of Commitment

You date someone for months, they said all the right things, did all the right things, they may have even told you they love you and then you find yourself wondering why there’s no commitment and that’s when you hear those dreadful words “I’m not ready for a committed relationship” and now you feel like you wasted your time, energy, emotions, and you may even feel like something is wrong with you. I tell my friends all the time people will mess you up, but it’s up to you to learn how to get over it. If the person you dating can’t get over the past, it’s pretty much hopeless like penny with a hole in it. You can have I Love You (Insert Name) sky written all over the damn city and it still won’t make any difference.

Solution: Move On! There is NO solution; first and foremost it’s not you! So don’t waste your time thinking it is. If a person has a fear of commitment they’re not good for you or anybody else. You cannot clean up someone’s emotional problems. No matter how much we try to get him/her to open up emotionally, it fails miserably. We can’t clean up someone’s emotional issues. Put your Nike’s on and run away. FAST!

Family Drama

Have you ever dated someone, met their family, and realized you’re in an episode of “All my Children”? The parents don’t appear to be to sociable. The sister rolling her eyes while looking at you up and down. The brother looking at you like you’re hot sex on a platter and Uncle Charlie in the corner drunk as hell singing golden oldies while struggling to stand up straight. They’re talking shit about you and your mate in front of your face and you notice that your mate refuses to say a damn thing because it’s his or her family. Family can make or break a relationship sometimes!  I dated a guy years ago whose momma constantly called me and asked me was I looking out for her grown ass son. I cursed that lady out so many times in my mind!

Solution: It depends on one factor, how close does the family live? If they live out of state you might can chalk it up and give it try. If they’re in state, then you have one hell of a battle. Everybody wants someone who will stand up for them, if your partner allows their family to talk shit about you and you know you’re a good person…keep it moving.

Financial Messes

Let’s take a look at some financial messes that some have bad credit, a mountain of debt, child support, judgments, and repossession. You can’t get an apartment together or anything else.

Solution: The last thing anyone needs is to have their good name and credit status ruined by someone who don’t give a shit about there’s. There’s a difference between someone who fell on hard times and someone who doesn’t care. So when someone appears to have SEVERE financial problems rethink how involved you may want to be with this person. Most of us are not rich and work hard; who needs the added stress of trying to support a grown ass person.

The Ex

You’re dating someone and the ex won’t seem to leave them alone. The calls, the texts, the friend request, and the e-mails keep coming. You feel like opening a can of whoop ass because you figure he or she is an ex for a reason.

Solution: You need to check your partner because if you want someone out your life you can make it happen. The only way a person should be that involved with an ex is because there’s some unfinished business, your partner still has feelings for this person, or a child is involved. If you’ve been together a few months and they were together for some years. You can hang it up. You can’t compete with history, it sucks, but it’s the truth. A person is more likely to get back with someone their completely comfortable with if given the opportunity. You cannot make someone stop talking to an ex if they don’t want to. You can’t wash the ex away and you can’t bleach the ex with high hopes that he or she will deteriorate.

People have to clean up their own mess. I don’t care how much you love someone you cannot step in with disinfectant and wipe away someone’s issues. People have to do the work to clean up their own shit. The wonderful thing about dating is after you tell someone to kick rocks. You have a few glasses of wine and you realize that it teaches you about the qualities that you don’t want. We should only worry about cleaning up our own messes! After all, it is only your mission should you choose to accept it…DON’T.

Have you ever dated anyone and found that they had issues that you would possibly have to deal with?

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The post Mission Impossible: Cleaning Up Someone Else’s Mess appeared first on SHAUNTEE.

Image by © David Katzenstein/Citizen Stock/Corbis

Dating certainly has its ups and downs. You have that fear of uncertainty but at the same time you have that excited feeling that you get when you meet someone new. I think every single woman goes out with just a little bit of hope that he may be the one. We eagerly go out, have a great time, and hope that a second date is in the works. After a few dates and a few phone conversations the man pulls a disappearing act. It’s almost as if he goes into a magician’s box and vanishes after the magician yells abracadabra. I’m sure there isn’t a woman alive who hasn’t wondered at some point why men vanish…what really happened here? You feel like you’re playing the leading role in the TV show Cold Case searching for clues.

There are 5 distinct reasons why men vanish leaving you wondering what happened and what went wrong.

You’re nothing but an option

The word options will stick with me my entire dating life. Option is a very important word when it comes to dating. Why? Because men always them! A man will date you for months and as soon as he finds someone he likes a little bit better or he likes his other option better, you will be yesterday’s news with no explanation or no warning. Women should never believe that a man is only specifically dating her unless it has been discussed. The good thing about options is that you can have them to.

Testing the waters

Some men will begin to date other women when their relationship or marriage is hitting shaky ground. You may not know that he’s in a relationship or married because he neglects to share this vital information with you. I find that this happens most often with separated men. As soon as things appear to work out with the girlfriend or wife, he’s gone. Most women assume that if a guy talks to us or shows interest that implies that he’s single. That’s not always the case.

Fear of the big C

Believe it or not, there are men in this world who will date you knowing that they have no intentions of committing to you or they’re not seeking a committed relationship at that time. Shocking huh? When you get to serious and start asking where is this going or you begin to want more than he can offer, he bails and it’s normally without explanation. This can also happen with a guy who you have not officially dated but maybe had great phone conversation with. He will talk to you for awhile to see where your head is at and what you’re looking for. when they find the answers they seek; You won’t hear from him again and he won’t return your call. Commitment is a very scary word for some.

He has to work too hard to get some

Last but certainly not least is sex. Plain and simple, if a man wants nothing but sex from you and finds that it’s not easily obtained; he will jump ship on you never to be seen or heard from again. You may get one, two, hell maybe three dates out the deal and if he doesn’t see sex happening soon…he’s done.

It’s too easy

I’m a woman who doesn’t like push over people. This applies to my dating life as well. Controlling people may like someone that gullible and a pushover but most people don’t. Call it the thrill of the chase; when you’re too agreeable and go along with anything. This is actually a turn off! Stand up for yourself and don’t go along with behaviors you know are unacceptable.

Sometimes we never truly know why a guy bails after a few good phone conversations or a few dates. I have no idea why some men can’t be honest with their intentions. Like really….grow some balls!!!!! I have a greater respect for men who can be honest with me from the very beginning. Regardless of any intentions a man may have it translates to one conclusion; he’s just not that into you.

Has someone ever vanished on you without a trace?

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