This past weekend, I attended a gathering at Dave & Buster’s and found myself in a brief conversation with one of the women who attended. We were talking about various topics and she made mentioned to the fact that she was divorced and how divorce translates to damaged goods for some people. I didn’t tell her that I too was divorced but I sure as hell know how she feels. I can recall numerous of occasions when I have spoken to someone or went out on a date and when I mentioned the fact that I was divorced they looked at me like I had the bubonic plaque, like I was damaged goods, and someone to be avoided. As a result, I stopped telling people I was divorced because in my opinion it basically translates to single. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s none of their business until they show some consistency in my life. Plus I got tired of answering the same questions about the when, where, why, and how of divorce. I swear the same 3 questions seem to come out of everyone mouth. What happened, Why didn’t it work out, and my favorite, what did you do? Really! So now, I‘ve developed my own rule, don’t ask me shit and I won’t tell you shit!
As I thought about the whole damaged and divorced stigma, the first question that popped in my head was what exactly makes me any different from anyone else who has been in a long term relationship with someone? I mean does having a piece of paper, saying two words, and wearing a white dress make heartbreak that much more severe. I don’t think so, heartbreak is heartbreak any way you look at it and anyone can become damaged goods after being with someone for an extended period of time. Whether you’re married, in a domestic partnership, or been living together for the past 85 years, everyone can become damaged goods. No one is immune from heartbreak, mental anguish, and emotional despair; especially if you have a trail of several failed relationships behind you. I know plenty of people who haven’t been married but suffered big time during a break up. So this so called label that some people have chosen to give us divorce women will not apply here. I choose to look at my past as a lesson learned and a new beginning. You won’t find any damaged goods here, but you will find a much stronger and confident woman.